New Years 2017. Part of me thinks its cliche to do the whole I resolve to…..yadadada…part of me wants to gush and have all these huge goals to which I know I won’t realistically fulfill them all, and part of me is thinking OMG it’s 11:48pm on January 1st, 2017 and you only have 12 minutes to publish a perfect post (impossible to be perfect!!!) and I just laugh at myself. Even doing this blog about the entire year and goals to set could potentailly be a pressure cooker! There are so many instances where I create stupid added pressure on myself for what seems to be a legit reason. It’s already challenging enough for me to get through my day trying to stay grounded in the chaos that I feel has been thrown my way, why add a TIME PRESSURE on top of everything else? Well, there’s number one.
I resolve NOT TO RUSH. My parents and I have said this a few times to each other since this is a tendency in my family, so much to accomplish in so little time and we create uneccessary pressure for ourselves. We are aware that we do it and when its happening to each other or the group as a whole, we call ourselves out, despite our deep rooted habits and say “no rushing allowed.” (1/2 the time we still rush but at least we’re aware haha. Progress, not perfection)
About perfection. The concept of BEING PERFECT is impossible. None of us are perfect. Our purpose being on this earth is to grow, learn, evolve,progress.Otherwise we would’ve already ascended and our work here would be done!! My husband loves me for my imperfections. He wanted to buy me a shirt that said “perfectly imperfect” (they didn’t have my size). This was a theme as I was going through my life coaching with Sasha a year ago. Work that turned out to be life altering for me and so absolutely reaffirming. The book she lent me, The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown, popped back into my view this week, peeking out strewn about with a pile of toiletries that I literally had tossed out of a reuseable bag to try and find my false eyelashes. I laughed really hard at the book reminding me, amongst the mess that my life seems to be, as reflected in the state of my room, (hubby Nick will be pleased at my admission that clean mind = clean room, chaotic mind = chaotic room but, let’s be clear, I’m NOT resolving to put the laundry away right away or hangup my clothes as soon as I change BUT am open to learning more about the Art of Tidying Up) that life is a mess and full of detours (as per an earlier blog I posted) and that the imperfection that lies within me and all around is actually perfect as it is. (including that sentence that was entirely run on and probably frustrating for the grammar nerds out there, who I absolutely love as you are 😉 AND I’m purposefully leaving that sentence as is, ‘cos that’s how it came out.
I resolve to remain and maintain my imperfection and to continue to grow in my awesome unique fabulous imperfect wholeness of ME. It doesn’t mean I’ll be lazy, but it means that there’s been enough perfection that has ruled my life for way too long, ruling me, that I’ve had my lifetime’s max of it and I’m ready to relax and just BE more ME. This includes, but isn’t limited to, the 21 day yoga shred that I want to complete before I leave for Bali to meet Nick in one month; compliments of the incredible Sadie Nardini. I can have the goal of doing it all in for 21 days (yoga and changing eating habits etc.) but I also am FULLY aware that it probably won’t be done “perfectly” as prescribed.
Tonight a group of us went to see LA LA LAND, which about 3/4 of the way through I thought, “oh how charming” but wasn’t completely convinced of the praise it had received. The last part of the movie shook me to the core. Hit me like a ton of bricks. I sat weeping without tissues, my heart blown open. (I needed a good cry anyway, it felt amazing) It inspired myself and my loved ones around me, to live life fully and grab your dreams.I almost wanted to come straight home to be alone and reflect, but instead took the hands of my lovely Leanne and Teresa and let myself be vulnerable. The three of us along with Ann, were all so inspired, giving room for an incredibly raw, inspiring, challenging and reflective conversation on our lives, how we’re living them and what we desire. It was magic. As one typically does on New Years Day, we set some goals and vowed to hold each other accountable to stay creative and inspired and to follow through on these desires we wish to fulfill this year. I won’t put said pressure above on the situation, but I can say that
I resolve to feed my soul. For me, it’s any or all of : doing a female improv group, going back to the piano, sing more, remounting BADMATCH with Leanne, go back to bellydancing with my Sallaaaaa. Skiing, spending time with my nephew Clarke, doing my regular TM full program, more journaling and blogging, Crossfit at North Van Crossfit with Nick, Dave and Nina, huggle with Nick.
The huge changes that occured in 2016 really taught me to embrace the detours that life offers. I’m really killing it in this area. Lots of practice! Haha! Though, I don’t want to actively manifest more change at the moment….. (I’m a bit of a discombobulated mess right now,while maintaining a sense of humour and flexbility-for the most part…..: popping back and forth between my bros/parents, going back to waitressing part time, coming home early for gramma’s funeral from Jamaica which in itself was a detour-a detour within a detour!!! 😛 )….
I resolve to continue to embrace the detours and be open to what life offers me. You never know what’s coming next and if we’re able to see the detours for what they are and use them as a learning tool, we grow and blossom more rather than stress out, shrink and get thrown off course. What a continually challenging practice this life is!
I continual note in our magical conversation tonight was WHAT DO YOU WANT. It’s so hard to know what is true to ourself when we have our world around us influencing our decisions : society, media, family, friends. BUT WHAT ABOUT YOU? What about what YOU WANT. What do I want amongst all of the “should/shouldn’ts” that constantly bring us out of what is true for us, what is true for me?
I resolve to be more true to myself despite the idea of what I should do/be according to anyone else around me. Thanks for your input, it’s noted, but my truth is mine own and my truth will grow stronger, louder and clearer, despite the racket around me, pulling me out of the Self. AND I know that the more I settle into mySelf in my regular practice of TM and advanced programs, quieting the jibber jabber and tuning into me, the answers will come, the magic will happen and the more content I will float through life and let life happen for me and through me.
Especially being that there have been so many detours/changes in the last year, I resolve to be patient and gentle with myself. I am beyond nurturing and supportive of my loved ones, but am the worst self-critic/perfectionist. I talk to Nick and constantly remind HIM to be gentle and patient with himself and here I am needing to do the same. A perfect opportunity as partners to remind each other of the importance of SELFLOVE. 2016 was a gorgeous, fun-filled, life-altering, challenging, gaining a husband yet losing my gramma year and I am so curious and eager to see what life brings for 2017.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good night!*
Love, Aunty Yogi
*(altered from ’twas the Night Before Christmas book)